When is it time to walk away?
Esther Perel says, The idea of finding the one is problematic for relationships, which makes those of us in relationship-limbo feel even more confused. Some relationships feel perfect and aligned in the moment, before quickly changing and becoming a puzzle piece that just doesnt fit.
Love, like life, is fickle. In the world of dating and relationships, starting anything new can be a challenge.
But what happens on the other side? When youve tried your best, dipped your toes in the water, and its just not worth it?
Knowing when to end a relationship can help us navigate current and future relationships. If youre considering ending a current relationship, or reaching out to an ex, were here to help.
Here are 5 tips to help you know:
When is it time to walk away?
#1: You dont feel safe.
How do you feel after spending time with your significant other? If youve noticed you feel frazzled, uncomfortable or otherwise drained – these could be signs its time to re-evaluate.
While relationships cant always be perfect, if you feel off-balance consistently – this is a big indicator that maybe its no longer healthy for you. If youre finding your partner’s jokes are more mean than funny, or they seem to lower your mood, remember that your mental and physical health comes first.
Dont be afraid to take a step back in a relationship and gather your thoughts. Dont be afraid to make the decision thats best for you.
#2: Youve changed.
In the beginning, maybe you were working a casual job and ready for adventure. Perhaps your partner felt the same too, and together you spent your time lollygagging and enjoying the city’s cheapest eats. As time passed, so did some of your priorities. Maybe you started to button up and take on more responsibility, and suddenly you found your partner lagging behind.
Situations like these are common, especially in long-term relationships. While the goal is for couples to grow together, sometimes the priorities, needs, and desires of one partner change too quickly. Its helpful to remember that sometimes its the right relationship for right now, but not for life.
If you have to choose between a new path and changing yourself, or staying in your old habits to appease your partner – the best choice is clear: keep investing in the things that matter to you. You deserve to have the life that you want.
Its not easy to accept (or recognize!) that youve evolved, but an honest conversation with yourself is the first place to start. What are the needs and wants you have for a relationship? Can you write them down and see if they are being met?
Remember: you and your happiness are #1.
#3 Theyve changed.
Sometimes the changes arent happening with you, but you have a partner who is experiencing changes. When a partner goes through big changes, it can be a scary and decentering experience. Its easy to cling to the version that is old and comfortable, or remember a time when you both got along and had more in common. Its natural for humans to make small changes over time, but big and drastic changes are still possible – and equally frightening in relationships.
Dont be afraid to have an open conversation with your partner. If you feel comfortable, you can ask them what their current wants, needs, and desires are. Have they drastically changed their life goals? Is there a way they can be supported?
If youve found the distance between you and them has become too large, we recommend taking time to yourself to process and think about the future. Although it is a challenging and emotionally draining process, perhaps its better to let the old flame go.
#4 A new opportunity has come.
What happens if youve landed your dream job, or you have been accepted into grade school in your dream city? While it sounds wonderful, there is some bad news: your partner isnt willing to relocate
Is it worth it to follow your dreams instead of your relationship? This can also be a tough decision to make.
Some opportunities only come once a lifetime (or year, or season) and its important to weigh the pros and cons of opportunities versus staying in the same place youve always been.
#5 You need time to yourself.
Solo time is immensely helpful for personal growth (and also for understanding yourself.) Have you ever considered leaving a long term relationship because of a need to explore? Maybe youve discovered a new opportunity to solo travel. These are both examples that could cause you to consider ending a current relationship.
Time to yourself is the best time for growth, new experiences and change. If it isnt possible to have time to yourself in your relationship, perhaps it is time to explore taking a break .
We hope this article has helped you decide whats best for you. As we always say at Mate Machine, ultimately you know whats best for you: your preferences, needs, desires and wants. Closing old chapters and starting new ones can be an intimidating and scary process, but if youre feeling hesitant about it – know youre not alone.
Even when it feels that there will never be another relationship as fulfilling as your last one, dont worry! There will always be new connections, experiences, and love in life.
Here at Mate Machine, we are committed to helping you find your perfect mate.
MateMachine is a Vancouver-based Technology start-up that has invented a unique secret crush search engine that can be used for connecting with the ones that we already know and have hidden feelings for. This happens through a unique and innovative search engine and is usable by anyone.