Avoid Being a Clingy Girlfriend: Tips For Building a Balanced Relationship

When speaking about relationships, everyone’s mind is somehow drawn to having fun, throwing parties, birthday presents, taking constant photos of each other, and so on. In this day and age, the majority of people worldwide, hold a utopian view about relationships. In other words, they think that when a relationship starts, with an adequate amount of care and love, of course, it can never break or end up in sorrow. As it so happens, this is not completely true.

Although there are couples who strike up a relationship, get married immediately, and live happily ever after, the number of those who encounter difficulties concerning their relationship, in fact, outnumbers the happy ones. One of the most commonplace problems that partners, especially girls, in a relationship face is “obsessiveness”. There exist several factors that contribute to this problem.

Low self-esteem

Low self-esteem is undoubtedly a major factor leading to clingy behavior. This often happens when individuals have low images of themselves. Such people may constantly require approval and reassurance from their partners. This obsessive need for validation may manifest in the form of different sets of behaviors such as seeking validation, craving for excessive attention, and insecurity.

Validation seeking: People with low self-esteem, in this case, girls and women, constantly seek their partners’ approval to feel good about themselves. In the long term, such actions result in the vicious cycle of needing constant reassurance, which is disconcerting for both parties.

Dependency: One might feel that they are incapable of functioning properly without the presence of their partners. This illusion is again a result of low self-esteem.

Insecurity: Fear of abandonment can be another motive for obsessive behavior. One may become overly possessive, terrified that their partner might choose another person over them.

Bonding issues

What this idea suggests is that early childhood experiences and the quality of upbringing drastically impact how people behave in their relationships. To clarify, those who experienced an unstable upbringing and a lack of consistent caregiving are more likely to develop bonding issues, leading to obsessive behavior in their romantic relationships.

Mental health conditions

Based on an article from regain.us, certain mental conditions can be at play concerning the matter of obsessive behavior. Conditions such as Obsessive Love Disorder (OLD), Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

• Obsessive Love Disorder (OLD): With symptoms of overwhelming affection towards a person, extreme jealousy, and feeling the need to protect the so-called beloved, OLD is one of the main contributors that may result in dominating behavior.
• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: For those with OCD, intrusive thoughts and feelings concerning their partner serve as a nudge to act obsessively and impulsively. This could involve constant texting, seeking approval, and checking media.
• Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): This disorder, which is characterized by strong emotions, inflicts an extreme fear of abandonment upon individuals, and can make them apply pressure by utilizing controlling behavior to keep their partner close.

We have looked briefly into some possible reasons for “Why do people tend to become obsessive in relationships”. Now, it is time we spoke about some remedies. In extreme cases, you ask an expert’s advice, namely a therapist. With this in mind, if you feel that your strong emotions towards your beloved partner have not exceeded the limits, feel free to dig into the following text. I think it is needless to mention that you need to be upfront with yourself. You should accept that you have a problem, and then you can fix it.

Strike a Balance

“The key to a healthy relationship is balance, rather than hanging out together closely every possible moment.” Partners need some time to contemplate their own affairs. In some situations, they need days of solitude. Furthermore, spending some time apart can help partners redefine the boundaries of who you are outside of your relationship. This can show your partner that you are confident and interesting. It is common knowledge that people prefer to cement their relationships with those who are confident and interesting.

Take time for yourself

It is important to have a life outside of your relationship. Remember that before being a partner, you are a human, and humans need to invest time for the sake of their own personal growth. You can do multitudes of things such as spending time with friends, learning a new skill, or simply doing whatever you desire (apart from checking on your partner!).

Such things show your partner that you are in for growth and development, and can improve your image in their minds. You can also encourage your partner to do the same, to spend time on his own in order to grow! But if he disagreed with this idea, it may be a sign of insecurity or an unhealthy kind of attachment. (Maybe you can tell him about this article!)

Redefine Values

You should constantly remind yourself of the fact that Love is not about control. In other words, you do not own your significant other, therefore, you should not control him. Your partner is as independent as you are, so respect his independence. In some cases, you have to review your beliefs. For instance, if you believe in ideas like there mustn’t be even a single secret between me and my partner, you’ll have to reconsider them, since again both of you are persons with free will.

Respect the boundaries

You are surely aware of how infuriating crossing the limits could be. Apart from being partners, you are humans, and everybody, during the course of their lives, might have done silly things, or even might have been married.

The most important thing to bear in mind is, as the Three-Eyed Rave puts it, “The past is already written, the ink is dry”. So, do not probe too deeply into your boyfriend’s/partner’s past, because he may find it offensive and break up with you!

Trust your partner

When it comes to relationships, everything is based on mutual trust. If you don’t trust your partner, the relationship is unlikely to work. Remember that only because someone in your past was unfaithful to you, it doesn’t mean that everyone else will be the same.

If you have trust issues, seek help from a therapist, for they have the potential to spoil literally every relationship and friendship you have. In addition, if you didn’t already trust your partner, it would be a good idea to split up, since such relationships are not healthy.

Communicate Honestly

If there is anything that’s bothering you, speak openly about it with your partner. You are a grown-up, so act like a grown-up and do not do anything surreptitiously. For example, if you want to know who your boyfriend/partner hangs out with, simply ask about them. Never stalk him to see where he goes or who he hangs out with.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the secret to a harmonious relationship is nothing but a medium between togetherness and independence. If you are an obsessive woman and want to get rid of this feeling, consider taking time for yourself, communicating openly, respecting boundaries, redefining values, and building trust to foster an everlasting relationship. Do not forget that a healthy and strong relationship is built on mutual respect, understanding, and trust.

FAQs

1. How do I know if my girlfriend is obsessive?

There are several signs from which obsessively keeping in contact, ignoring personal boundaries, behaving in a controlling manner, and feeling extreme jealousy of other relationships are worthy of mention.

2. How to stop being an obsessive girlfriend?

It depends on your condition. If it is not severe you can make use of these tips:

• Try to strike a balance
• Take time for yourself
• Redefine your values
• Communicate honestly and openly

3. How to deal with an obsessive partner?

• Acknowledge the Problem. Tell your partner that the problem exists.
• Make Them Understand. Explain how their behavior is hurting you and your relationship.
• Tell Them What You Need.
• Ask Them if They Can Provide it.
• Cut All Ties, if They Won’t.

4. What causes obsession?

As it was mentioned in the article, several factors such as low self-esteem and mental health conditions can be involved. Some experts think that there may be chemical differences within some peoples’ brains that might make you more likely to have obsessions.