Post-Date Etiquette: Whats the deal?
[Alt. Text Description: A lighter skinned person holds a smartphone against a blurred background.]
[Taken from Alex Ware.]
Youve just had a fabulous date. The hours passed too quickly, the conversation flowed, the food was great, and your date was enticing.
Perhaps youve arrived home to take your shoes off and sit on your couch.
So what the heck do you write now? If you dont respond, well, complete silence could rub off as disinterest – and thats just not how you feel. Too many messages or calls could potentially appear as you being overeager, or it could even intimidate your date.
So how can you proceed?
Our first piece of advice is to review how you feel about your date. Is your date someone who excites you, and who you wouldnt hesitate to yell yes! to a second date? If so, its a great idea to reach out and connect with them! However, if the date felt lukewarm, or you dont feel excited about planning a second date, dont feel afraid to take some time to analyze. Are they the right match for you? Is this someone you could see yourself spending a substantial amount of time with? Dont feel rushed to make a decision.
Post-date etiquette may be overlooked, but it is nonetheless important. Were here to break down some tips and tricks for you to successfully keep your date interested. Here are 4 tips to help you after a date:
Dont forget your manners.
If your date treated you to dinner, a thank you is usually well received. Some examples could be:
Thank you for the lovely dinner. Excellent choice.
Thanks for the ride home, I had a lovely time.
I hope you made it home alright. Have a great evening.
These examples are effective because lets face it: having good manners is attractive! Its also a low-pressure opening for your date to continue the conversation if they choose to.
Keep it light.
Some examples:
Im still thinking about that risotto. Phenomenal.
I just loved trying that gelato! What a great recommendation.
Why does keeping it light work well after a first date? These messages are engaging, easy to read, short and succinct. This is the perfect message (hello foodies!) to send after a delicious meal. Why does this work? Again, its an easy avenue for your date to participate in the conversation, and centering the conversation around the food takes the pressure off any personal expectations between you and them.
Share a funny moment.
Did you pet a cute dog together? Did the waiter accidentally mistake you for another married couple? You can keep it light and share a text that highlights a memory.
Some examples:
Im still thinking about that adorable dog. Hope you had a great night!
It was fun playing Mrs.Smith tonight, thanks for the fun time!
This is another low-pressure opening to engage your date. If they give a lukewarm or short reply, you know that you have kept the avenue open and that they may not be interested. If they dont connect with you with any of the fun parts of the date, its possible that perhaps they experienced the date (or your connection) a little less strongly than you did. Dont be too hard on yourself if that is the case. Post date etiquette is about seeing if the person feels the same as you, and showing off your good manners. Even if they dont respond in the way that you would like, rest assured: you are still enforcing good dating habits. And what could be more attractive than someone with great dating habits?
Flattery is not a bad trait.
Dont be afraid to complement your date:
I had a great time, and you looked gorgeous in that dress!
Thanks for all the laughs.
It takes confidence to compliment, and thats something thats very attractive after a date. Keep it low-key, but dont be afraid of sharing that you enjoyed your date or found them pleasing or enjoyable to spend time with.
Here are some things you want to avoid.
Avoid a wall of text.
In the beginning, short and succinct is an excellent framework for communication. Its better to see if your date is willing to reciprocate before sending long, deep and personal messages. Remember to give them an opportunity to share something about themselves, and be sure that you arent overwhelming them. While everyone’s preferences may differ, we like the rule that its better to keep long conversations on the phone or in person, and for messages to be short, flirty, fun, and engaging. After a first date, its nice to check in and test the waters for how your date is feeling. Sending a shorter message is an excellent way to do this.
Mind the time.
Be mindful of the time when sending a message to your date. If its earlier than 10am, or after 10pm, its better to wait until a more appropriate hour to send the text. Even though we live in a constantly-connected digital world, your thoughtfulness in not wanting to disturb their work or sleep schedule will be appreciated. The only exception is if you know a date is on their way home and you want to check in to make sure they got home safely. Outside of this exception, stay classy and mind your manners. Ensure your communication takes place during an appropriate time.
Dont make it all about you.
Dating is about sharing and experiencing things, together. That means its important to engage your date, and remain open to learning about them. If you message them the next day to complain about your work mate (whom you talked about during your dinner date) it can be a buzzkill. You want to avoid being a complete mood drain for your potential match. As they say, theres a reason we have two ears and one mouth: so dont be afraid to ask questions! Ask them how the day went, how they enjoyed their meal, or what their week is looking like.
Dont wait to plan.
After you have engaged with your date, and you feel sure (and excited) that the attraction is mutual dont wait to plan! Ask them on another date, or to see a movie, and dont let too much time pass in between. Attraction can be fickle, and its important that you continue to engage them and push things forward if youre looking for love. Being decisive is attractive and will aid you in progressing a potential relationship. Dont be upset if someone is slow to respond, or they turn down an offer for another fun date – it has nothing to do with the speed in which youre moving. Its better to find someone with whom you connect, then to dance around on one foot and take your time with someone who will eventually tell you they arent interested.
So to surmise, dont overlook post-date etiquette. It takes courage and perseverance, but this is an important step in the dating process.
Here at Mate Machine, we are committed to helping you find your perfect mate.
MateMachine is a Vancouver-based Technology start-up that has invented a unique secret crush search engine that can be used for connecting with the ones that we already know and have hidden feelings for. This happens through a unique and innovative search engine and is usable by anyone.