What’s The Most Important Factor To a Healthy, Long Term Relationship?
People often ask what the most important factor to a healthy, long term relationship is when seeking dating advice. And while there is not a singular correct answer as every relationship is unique and requires its own set of do’s and don’t’s, there is one thing that is true across the dating world: in order to have a healthy, lasting relationship, couples have to understand eachother’s communication styles. Ah yes, communication, communication, communication, the trusted and true advice every dating advice coach and bloggers and vlogger gives to the world. But what if I told you communication doesn’t matter? Well.. not that it doesn’t matter, but that it won’t do anything for you if your communication isn’t being heard or understood. One of the most frequent questions I’m asked is “why isn’t my partner hearing me? I’m communicating my needs, and they don’t seem to care or understand.” While this can be true, and this advice is not for those who feel their partner is deliberately ignoring their feelings, it is not always the case. Sometimes, we simply don’t understand our partners communication styles, that is to say, we may feel like we are communicating calmly and productively, while our partner may feel that we are attacking them or passing judgement. So how can we avoid this and how can we better understand eachother? Firstly, we need to ask ourselves how our partners communicate outside of conflict? Do they swear often? Do they exaggerate or talk with their hands? Or are they more silent and subdued? If they regularly do these things, then when they swear during a disagreement (though not at you, this is never okay), then we should not hold them to a standard of never swearing. If they are often more subdued then we cannot hold them to a standard of high emotion and excessive talking even if that is what we want from them. The second thing we must do is understand how our partners past relationships influence them now. Did they have a partner who continuously made false promises? Then we cannot expect them to take us simply for our word. Was their past relationship filled with their partner giving them the silent treatment? Then we cannot simply take space to gather our thoughts without effectively communicating this and easing their anxiety first. To fight properly, to love properly, and to create a healthy, long lasting enviornment for our relationships to thrive in we MUST understand these things about one another, and make a conscious effort to do so.